Dr Who is Doctor Oooh

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: TheRamblingsAndInterestsOfMyLife

From David Tennant to this…it’s almost as good as back in the Peter Davison days, although nobody will ever top Tom Baker as The Doctor, if only because Tom Baker is genuinely nutty as a fruitcake, and delightfully so as well. Still, jelly babies are fattening and Hedi Slimane apears to be the costumer now, so sacrifices must be made. I’m just glad to get rid of the Maudlin Billie Piper storyline.

Maudlin Billie Piper is not attractive.

Shut up, Rose Tyler

imaj: We<3It

Five bucks says he was gonna say “You have chlamydia.”

Speaking of cooties, here are your sexy celebrity gossip links for Monday.

Palin Poetry: the Palinleaks Haikus. America gets the Japanese poetic forms it deserves, as Sarah Palin’s emails get put through the Haiku Finder. Art really IS everywhere! (raincoaster)

Who needs the tooth fairy? Who needs Food Porn? We’ve got the Magic Rum Fairy! (ManoloFood)

Emma Watson is back in the harness. Gee, I didn’t know there was a new Matrix movie in the works. Still, this will come in handy for her battles with arch-enemy Fat Bastard. (Ayyyy)

Harrison Ford IS Errand Runner! I’d like to take a look at his Furby, if you know what I mean and I think you do! (Lolebrity)

Debbie Reynolds is selling off her children’s inheritance and YOU CAN BUY IT! Yes, it’s the celebrity crap auction of the year, and open for business! Someone call Harrison Ford, quick! (Crasstalk)

Starfuckery failure: pro edition. ScarJo needs to go study at the scabby, callused knees of Courtney Love. (AgentBedhead)

It’s time to draw the line! Catherine, Duchess of Whatever, the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton, needs an eyeliner intervention, people. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Gary Dourdan is brought to your police department by the Letter E. Unlike the last time, when he was brought to your police station by the letters DUI. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mazel tov, kids. Now, can the world please forget about Lily Allen? (CelebritySmack)

Who are the 10 best actors in Hollywood? Other than the “I didn’t hook up with him” Kardashians? (CelebVIPLounge)

JWoww kisses a dog. So things are looking up for her in the romance department. (CityRag)

Ladies and gentlemen, start your gingham! Jessica Simpson, superchic fashion powerhouse, is cloning herself. (DailyStab)

Taylor Momsen…remember her? Well, it looks like she’s hooking up with an electrician now. (FitFabCeleb)

Paparazzis pap’d! Six celebrities spying on you. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jessica Alba’s kid is going to be VERY popular with the tabloids! Nothing like leaking on your mom in front of a row of reporters. (HaveUHeard)

Conan O’Brien enters the Greatest Commencement Speech Sweepstakes. Will he take it from Steve Jobs? It’s Team Coco vs Apple Fanboys in the final round: Dartmouth vs Stanford. (HollywoodHiccups)

I’ll take “let them get the damn picture instead of crashing the car with your children in it” for a hundred, Alex! On the other hand, how desperate must a pap be to try to get a picture of Tori Spelling? (INeedMyFix)

Prince Hot Ginge in his undershirt. It doesn’t matter what I type here; you’re not reading it anyway. (SwoonWorthy)

People still date Lindsay Lohan’s castoffs? In other news, Demi Lovato is apparently capable of making good decisions again. (TheSkinnyChic)

Harrison Ford shops Darryl Hannah

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: FutureNoir

Very few people knew Deckard was a collector, but no-one who did ever turned down the chance to glimpse his Furby.

Keep Calm and Crusher On

imaj: Wesl- uh, sorry, WilWheaton

Keep calm and are you fucking kidding me? Wil Wheaton the individual may be hand-carved of conflict-free Swarovski diamonds mined by off-duty Peace Corps virgins, but Wesley Crusher the snide little know-it-all was one of the most intolerable, smugly festering shits ever to poison the airwaves, the very embodiment of the Cousin Oliver Principle. Also: am even I a big enough famewhore to post a “Keep Calm and raincoaster On” poster?

Okay, MAYBE!

Proof:

YAY!

Somehow I knew The Shat would be a skilled mouth organ player

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: ChiffAndPippleForum

And I bet he can play a mean meat whistle too, but you’d have to ask Spock about that.

Let’s let The Shat serenade us as we set phasers to awesome and take a cruise around the galaxy of celebrity gossip. Shields up! I spot an orbiting Kardashian on the horizon!

Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)

Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit.  (raincoaster)

Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)

George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)

Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)

Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)

Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)

Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)

Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)

Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)

Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)

Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)

L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)

Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)

Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)

Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)

Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)

"and that's why you should NEVER pick the red shirt, boss!"

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: 19AndBored and ultimately Scott3eh

Sure was nice of that loyal staffer to explain the significance of the red shirt. Now the question is, can Jack Layton go where no NDP party leader has gone before: to 24 Sussex Drive? Yes, prepare to be onslaughtted with Canadian political references, at least for the next six weeks. When you’ve got a leftie as colourful as Jack here, a centrist intellectual called Iggy, and a robot alien as Prime Minister, the comedic opportunities are endless. And YES that is a real picture, not a photoshop.