The Vampire Lestat has some questions for his English teacher

imaj: InTheDarkConfessional via ConeSoldStober

Exqueeze me, Lestat, but Louis is an aristocrat. He doesn’t read paperbacks, you tacky moron.

and when you add the compound interest, you're looking at three years in Gitmo

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: commenter File in the JulianAssangeFanciersGuild

You do NOT want to mess with the British Librarian Corps, dude. You’re in enough trouble already.

PS used the second font because it looks rather like his actual handwriting. It’s called “Daniel” by the way, but I estimate we have about five weeks to wait till the fangirl force has tapped its Underemployed Graphic Designer contingent and come up with a “Julian” font of their very own.

Julian Assange STOP IN THE NAME OF LULZ

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: StanleyVarghese

Oh, Julian. Anything you say. This reminds me of the time Wikileaks was looking for PR help and the ad stated “the successful applicant will be disciplined” and then I had to go have some alone time and a cold shower.

Moving on…here are some of the lesser heavenly bodies in the constellation:

Did I say I was finished with Julian Assange? Oh baby, I haven’t even STARTED yet. Here are his delicious links (insert dirty play on words of your choice here) plus more evidence he thinks of himself as Bill the Galactic Hero. (raincoaster)

Guess the Mystery Feet! This is a former A-lister with Garbo-esque tendencies and major sex appeal. Also: you KNOW what they say about men with long toes… (Ayyyy)

Will it saber? With a massive freakin’ Kenyan Spearhead? You bet your sweet bippy it will! GI Joe meets Funnest Bartender On Earth in the latest in the beloved YouTube series starring Matt Stache. (ManoloFood)

Arianna Huffington is so trendy! She’s seen here attempting to drain a media rival of blood. Bad news, Ari: you’re thirty years too late! (Lolebrity)

Caption Obama and his new best friend. Captioning iz hard, yo! (Crasstalk)

II, Claudius. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a sequel for everything. (AgentBedhead)

Can a blogger get a Like, y’all? Vote for sleepy Bee and win eternal gratitude and possibly backlinks! (BusyBeeBlogger)

11 things you did not know about Jennifer Hudson but were obviously too afraid to ask, right? I mean, she’s pretty intimidating since the Oscar and all, eh? God, that woman terrifies me. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Cocaine is a helluva drug. This is not a repeat from 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007… (CelebritySmack)

The Social Climber Formerly Known as Kate Middleton is not resting on her laurels. In fact, her laurels are shrinking. (CelebVIPLounge)

And the #1 thing you didn’t know about Jennifer Hudson: she was hospitalized today. (DailyStab)

Insufferable celebrity complains about insufferable celebrities who complain about people. Fuckit, I only click to Taylor Swift stories for eyeliner tips. (EarSucker)

Billboard becomes target. As Bieliebers descend upon convenience stores nationwide in hormone-crazed fugue state, actual magazine readers suffer. (FitFabCeleb)

Is your Bichon Frise a total Celine-diva? Your Rottweiler ready for prime time? Your Vizla good enough for The Voice? Yes, it’s an Animal Lip Dub video contest! (HelloGiggles)

Russell Crowe is no Roundhead! Team Cavalier here! In other news, if he ever tweets his penis we’ll all be able to pick it out of a lineup more easily, so thanks for that, Russ! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Put yourself in Shania Twain’s shoes. Literally. (HaveUHeard)

Selina Gomez is taking desperate measures to protect herself from Bieber fans. What, no “exhaustion” dearie? (HollywoodHiccups)

Ryan Reynolds is INSATIABLE! Yeah, it’s a clickbaiting headline. What, you expected more from me? (INeedMyFix)

Britney covers Madonna. No, it doesn’t mean that, you perv. Although I did think of leading with “Britney ON Madonna” as I’m all clickbaity today. (PoorBritney)

Goopy on Teh Ghehs. Because that’s ALL they need. (PopBytes)

48 sexy shots of Johnny Depp. In other news it’s Johnny Depp’s birthday, but why am I still typing? You’re not gonna read anything past that link, are you? (SwoonWorthy)

Shania Twain goes down. That’s a three-point landing the hard way. (TheSkinnyChic)

Countess Arianna vs Tina Brown. This time she may have bitten off more than she can chew.

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: Gawker

I love how Tina Brown is easily keeping her vicious fangs at bay with an upraised hand and the whispered Words Of Power:

“Si always liked me best.”

Hunter S Thompson vs Charlie Sheen

imaj: JakeFogelnest

The thing about Hunter S. Thompson is that he took all of that and still came up with his own original words. Never forget that while you’re patting yourself on the back for standing upright and parroting lines, Meat Puppet!