Andy Samberg is a believer

imaj: my new favorite blog name: sayaufwiedersehentoyour naziballs

Well, I think ALL the guys will be relieved to hear that.

I remember the day my sister told me the Monkees were a fake band, and they didn’t really all live together in a big ramshackle house in Malibu. At first, I thought she was lying.

And then I saw her face.

The Importance of Being Guido: in which transcripts from the Jersey Shore are read in the style of Oscar Wilde (raincoaster)

Rihanna’s Waking Nightmare looks strangely like most of mine, actually (Ayyyy)

Bagel BBQ FTW! (ManoloFood)

That Kardashian Style! On display at closing time in bars everywhere (Lolebrity)

Worst TV Show Openings; why do I just know there will be a lot of 80′s in there? (Crasstalk)

Ben Affleck, ironic hairpiece wearer (BusyBeeBlogger)

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake stays Brooooooooooooooooooooke! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Mariah Carey is sefectly pober! (CelebritySmack)

Smoker Katy Perry, on addiction (CelebVIPLounge)

Those British coroners can make a mystery out of ANYTHING, can’t they? (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan, too, is serfectl – LISTEN PEOPLE IT’S SPELLED “Ketel One” AND IF I SEE ANOTHER “Kettle” I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU ONE OR TWO LUMPS WHERE IT’LL DO THE MOST GOOD OKAY???? (EarSucker)

Harrison Ford is a GILF (FitFabCeleb)

6 celebrity pizzafaces (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Mister President, I am here to serve. That’s why I brought these kneepads (HaveUHeard)

RIP Amy Winehouse: no, Blaaaaake is not invited to the funeral (HollywoodHiccups)

Prince Hot Ginge at the races; Ladies, start your engines! (INeedMyFix)

Linnocent can’t afford therapy, because Saint Tropez is expensive, dammit! (PopBytes)

Bloggers take note: Alan Rickman appreciation=automatic inclusion in the links. Got it? (SwoonWorthy)

Annalynne McCord could use a good seamstress (TheSkinny)

Jay-Z and Kanye want you to watch them on the throne? (TheSkinnyChic)

Kim Kardashian is Tawdry Hepburn

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: StyleWithAnna

 Yes, Kim Kardashian, reality princess and famous amateur pornstar, is the epitome of style and grace, an absolute Sabrina, at least to those who think Snooki is this generation’s Mary Tyler Moore.

And they DO exist.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Maids

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: HolyMotherOfHnng

For some reason, Harry always acted up in French class, even though he always got detention. I guess you could say he was a sucker for punishment.

Speaking of punishment, I’ve been a bad, bad blogger. While I’ve been moving across the country, I’ve been sadly neglecting my fellow gossipologists, and in apology, here is a roundup of the very, very bad boys and girls of the celebrity world.

 If you got into Hogwarts… (raincoaster)

Swag: I has it! (Ayyyy)

Naughty Potters! (ManoloFood)

James Potter LIVES! (Lolebrity)

Return of the Living Dead (tv shows) (Crasstalk)

Mel Gibson has been a bad, bad boy! (AgentBedhead)

Jewel has a chip (BusyBeeBlogger)

Daisy Lowe is 22 going on 45 (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Zooey “Snobby Cow” Deschanel vs Journo (CelebritySmack)

Beyonce-daddy attempts reputation management (CelebVIPLounge)

Harry Potter, dirty tagger! (CityRag)

Oh everybody! Look, Renee Zellwegger has a new “Aniston Boyfriend” (DailyStab)

Kennedy castoff gets part-time job (EarSucker)

Baby Spice Impersonator earns five quick bucks (FitFabCeleb)

Haven’t seen much of you lately…until you wore THIS! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Shia is full of Shiat (HaveUHeard)

That’s what you get for slumming, Nicki Minaj (HollywoodHiccups)

If finding dwarves hot is wrong, I don’t want to be right (INeedMyFix)

Britney beats back the Bad Boys of Fleet Street (PoorBritney)

Oh come ON, celebrity press. There’s no room in those Wranglers for a royal Babeh! (PopBytes)

Sergio Ramos, you almost make me want to watch soccer. But they wear more clothes than this (SwoonWorthy)

Lindsay Lohan shot! (TheSkinnyChic)

Michelle Obama vs Wilson and the score ain't love

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: Gawker

You just KNOW the girls are actually laughing at her shoes. Girl, those are not working.

Peter Parker's Children of the damned

imaj: HistoricLols via AHypergraphicObsessiveCompulsion

Vertical tag: best game EVAR!

Speaking of scurrilous gossip, here’s the roundup for Friday:

Bonsai Kitten: all new for 2011! The world’s greatest novelty pet fad is back and better than ever! (raincoaster)

You can call him Mister Tripod: is that a handycam in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (Ayyyy)

Hey Fidel, that’s for the Bay of Pigs! Celebrate July 4th with patrioalcoholism! (Manolofood)

Make Out, Not War! Now that is what I call a classic Vancouver response to a crisis. Stop, drop and roll…your girlfriend! (Lolebrity)

Does Green Lantern turn on the critics? You’ll have to read the review to find out, but what are the odds, eh? (Crasstalk)

Keanu Reeves: you can take the boy out of the 90′s but you can’t take the sad, emo 90′s backlash against randomly bestowed, crushing celebrity out of the boy. Apparently. (AgentBedhead)

Thanks for giving birth to he world’s most perfect baby, Natalie. Now get back to work! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Michael Lohan proves prayers do come true! In related news, Samantha Ronson is now a bus driver? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

If you don’t like the mealticket, get off the gravy train. Are we supposed to feel sorry for Paris Hilton now? (EarSucker)

A Decade in Sexiest Man Alive covers: which one is your panty-moistener of choice? (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrities in Cat’s Eye glasses. I knew Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn was a girlcrush of mine. And You, Missy, are no Audrey Hepburn. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kathy Griffin goes down on Bristol Palin??? What, clickbaiting again? Moi? (HaveUHeard)

Yes, all Canadians are as crazy as Jim Carrey. It’s true. It’s a FACT. So don’t even think about invading? Okay, thanks! Sorry for 1812. Really. Let’s have coffee sometime… (HollywoodHiccups)

Apparently calorie deprivation correlates to hallucination, at least according to this Kirstie Alley story. (INeedMyFix)

Ryan Reynolds shirtless sixteen times. Never let it be said I refused to pander. The things I do for you people! (Swoonworthy)