Marilyn Monroe flashes her beaver

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: Retrogasm

Beaver posts: good for hits. What the hell, I’m not proud.

Also sources of non-pride, the following gossipable celebrities behaving badly.

Celebrities love Chihuahuas! Trembling, fanged mole rat things. Guess what? I don’t. (raincoaster)

Celebrities love their mommies…until they grow up to hate them and have to share the pool boy and the coke with them and DINA LOHAN I AM LOOKING AT YOU. (Ayyyy)

Celebrities love Canuck Coffee. Hey hoser, Red Green is one sex-ay hunk of man meat, eh? I’d let him take a penalty shot any time, know what I mean? Eh? (ManoloFood)

Celebrities will kick you when you’re down. Vincent Price, Peter Lorre and Boris Karloff walk into a funeral…and pick on my favorite sexy Romanian. TEAM BELA!!! (Lolebrity)

Celebrities finally find something that’ll get them off Twitter. We don’t mean to imply they’ll be Raptured, just that it’s hard to tweet while running from zombies. (raincoastermedia)

Celebrities get cancelled! And a damn good thing, too, otherwise we’d never shut the tube off and go outside. Or at least to the internet. Where we Follow all the same celebrities on Twitter. So, yeah. (Crasstalk)

Celebrities get into fights and get their asses handed to them on Twitter just like normal people. What, you’re not like that? Um, no. Me either. (AgentBedhead)

Celebrities like to embarrass one another on camera. Ted Nugent pwns Mike Huckabee over petting a pussy. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Celebrities have ALL dated John Mayer. No, really. All of them. (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Celebrities used to look a lot better. Back before they invented HD video, that is. (CelebritySmack)

Celebrities are not men. They are Has-Beens! (CelebVIPLounge)

Celebrities love those fanged naked mole rats even better when they’re in slippers. Puppehs in slippers. PUPPIES IN SLIPPERS, PEOPLE! (CityRag)

Celebrities have embarrassing relatives. Just like us! Which reminds me of Oscar Wilde’s saying that we, all of us, have embarrassing friends, and we are all, each of us, somebody’s embarrassing friend. (DailyStab)

Celebrities get their heads photoshopped on other peoples’ bodies. Just like us? Um…well…you haven’t met my friends yet, have you? But I bet you’ve seen them (photoshopped) naked. Damn, I’ve gotta get off Facebook. (EarSucker)

Celebrities like to punk the nation from time to time. As if making us look at his hair weren’t punishment enough. (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrities have way better cars than we do. I’m MORTIFIED Amber Rose has a better car than I ever will. Surely once she sits down she’s not a star anymore? For her and the Kardashians, someone should invent a car you can drive with your ass hanging out. The public demands it. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Celebrities do stupid things when they’re teenagers. They also do them when they’re grown up, but then nobody wants to see them topless anyway. Someone PLEASE tell Mickey Rourke this. (HaveUHeard)

Celebrities mortify their children to the point where they disown their parents. This will not end well. At least he didn’t change it to “Patrick Smith.” (HollywoodHiccups)

Celebrities really, really want to concentrate on their music. OH GOD WON’T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE SPARKLES ALONE? He just wants to be emo in peace. (INeedMyFix)

Celebrities are dorks. Especially to poor, addled Paula Abdul. (MathewGuiver)

Celebrities do NOT “eat anything I want” and “never work out.” They build the pyramids before lunch and then tear them down again after the protein smoothie, just to look good for you. God! You’re so demanding! (PoorBritney)

Celebrities get into bar fights. Well, only Lohans and Kardashians, but really who can tell the difference anymore? They’re two families in search of a trailer park. (PopBytes)

Celebrities are birds of a feather. For, you know, enough in sponsorships and promotion, they sure are. (ReallyRich)

Celebrity blind item. Geddit? Oh, why are you still here when there’s a half-naked man on the other side of the link? (Swoonworthy)

Celebrities appear to be morphing into Marie Osmond. At least this one does. Remember when she used to be hot? (TheSkinny)

Celebrities: they’re only human. Well, the Canadian ones are. I mean, check out that Red Green video at the top of the links. That’s no Greek God. (TheSkinnyChic)

Related articles

• The Mystery of Marilyn Monroe (sluphojo.wordpress.com)
• Most Expensive Marilyn Monroe-Related Items (luxist.com)

Tom waits waiting

imaj: Snuh

Tom Waits waiting. While you’re waiting for that “if a woodchuck could chuck wood” Tom Waits joke to work itself out, you can distract yourself with some of these weighty gossip links.

Hideous video proof of the atavistic survival of HP Lovecraft’s unspeakable Cthulhu-worshipping Deep Ones. In related news, not all Brazilians are attractive in bikinis. Who knew? (raincoaster)

Saturday Caption Contest: Janice Dickinson. Caption this avatar of style and grace for fantastic, completely imaginary prizes (Ayyyy)

VODKANAPPING!!! I repeat: VODKANAPPING! Have you seen this Crystal Head vodka roaming the Californian countryside? If so, forget the police and call me: I’ll bring Campari. Negroni time, baby! (ManoloFood)

Severus Snape schools Voldemort. Oh, this will not end well: probably in slash, in fact. Yes, all wizard battles should be settled in X-rated slash fanfics, if you axe me which I note you did not but you should anyway. Not that I would write that. Well, not for free, anyway (Lolebrity)

Anthony Burgess is more prolific than you FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!! Seriously, won’t this dude ever let up? What’s his fucking problem anyway? (Crasstalk)

Handy-dandy how to handle internet drama tips for fun and/or profit. Or just cheap laughs sometimes (raincoastermedia)

Lady Gaga’s shoes almost outed Ryan Seacrest. Finally, she performs a useful social function. Almost. Insert tortured Cinderella/sex toy/Freudian metaphor here (AgentBedhead)

Matthew Perry attempts to focus on sobriety. It’s a lot easier to focus when you close one eye, dude. I uh, read it somewhere. (BusyBeeBlogger)

The Wisteria Sisters strike again! Kate Middleton’s sister climbs into the ranks of the aristocracy (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Wonder Woman is Dead!!! And the universe strokes its adamantium bracelets and goes “dodged a bullet there”. (CelebritySmack)

The Gouvernator has a plus one. Or two. Or three. Or, really, how desperate ARE the women of California? Seriously! (CelebVIPLounge)

Ashton Kutcher cast in Two and a Half Men. He has tons of experience being the baby of the family, so this should work out well. (DailyStab)

Mariah Carey almost loses her twin unicorn babies! Child Protection Services are just a bunch of big ol’ anti-partyite poopooheads. (EarSucker)

KK and KO show off the latest in “capable of withstanding incredible horizontal tension” couture. Sponsored by Azzedine Alaia for Michelin and the Jaws of Life. (FitFabCeleb)

14 celebs getting their drank on! Cheers, we’ll drink to that. To the point where we can’t see Snooki’s burnt mug clearly anymore and can go to sleep happy. In related news, Irish Pajamas is a thing (GirlsTalkinSmack)

This isn’t the first time a police escort has taken a 16-year-old home, but it’s the first time Ryan Seacrest’s dream ever came to actual life knowmasayin? (HaveUHeard)

The Muppets are back, bitchez! Lock up your stuffed toys and hide your anthropomorphic pets! (HollywoodHiccups)

Britney’s Dramamobile is on display. But then, so is everything of Britney’s, all the damn time. (PoorBritney)

Ashton Kutcher will have you know he’s a man of parts. And you can see most of them in this picture. (SwoonWorthy)

Somehow I knew The Shat would be a skilled mouth organ player

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: ChiffAndPippleForum

And I bet he can play a mean meat whistle too, but you’d have to ask Spock about that.

Let’s let The Shat serenade us as we set phasers to awesome and take a cruise around the galaxy of celebrity gossip. Shields up! I spot an orbiting Kardashian on the horizon!

Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)

Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit.  (raincoaster)

Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)

George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)

Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)

Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)

Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)

Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)

Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)

Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)

Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)

Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)

Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)

L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)

Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)

Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)

Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)

Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)

It's always happy hour at the Crawford house!

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: IAmuseOnlyMyself

I knew there was a reason I always liked hanging out at Christina’s house.

Let’s raise a glass of something brain-damaging and take a look at some other celebrity moms and their offspring in a Mother’s Day link roundup:

The great Hillary Clinton cover-up (raincoaster)

Mother’s Day food porn (ManoloFood)

Guess the celebrity and her mom (Ayyyy)

Norman Bates LOVES his mommy (Lolebrity)

Rock on: Mother’s Day ditty from Dwayne Johnson (AgentBedhead)

Sheryl Crow’s building her own Partridge Family (BusyBeeBlogger)

That’s it, Bieber! Go to your room! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Sean Penn, you listen to your mother! YOU COME BACK HERE YOUNG MAN!!! (CelebritySmack)

It’s okay, Kate, don’t be jealous. Mom always liked you best (CelebVIPLounge)

Is this woman the fiercest mom on the planet? (CityRag)

Baby Beckham is already colour-coordinated (DailyStab)

Mommy had better get out of rehab soon (EarSucker)

Uh, is this some kind of bizarre Hollywood fertility rite? (FitFabCeleb)

Celebs and their moms on Mother’s Day (HaveUHeard)

Sparklepants and the world’s most famous unwed mother pose (HollywoodHiccups)

Mom Julia Roberts wants to save millions of moms’s lives (INeedMyFix)

Xtina shows off her babyfeed silos (MathewGuiver)

Teen mom Jamie Lynn is scaring me (PoorBritney)

Saluting Sophia Loren, about 40 years late (PopBytes)

Happy mother’s day from Roseanne (SeriouslyOMG)

In certain circles George Clooney’s birthday was also a holiday (SwoonWorthy)

World’s most famous barren womb indulges in Salvation Armani (TheSkinny)

The torch is passed: Madonna’s girl-child releases a single (TheSkinnyChic)

Related articles

• Epic Meal of the (Mother’s) Day (thedailywh.at)
• Mothers Day Rap (shinygemskc.wordpress.com)
• Joan Crawford – Mommie Dearest (salvagedstars.wordpress.com)
• PHOTOS: New Celeb Moms Celebrating Their First Mother’s Day (huffingtonpost.com)

Heel Shoot! Karl Lagerfeld is a loose cannon.

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: FatKarl

Notorious loose cannon Karl Lagerfeld is armed and fabulous!

Let’s check out some of the other fatally chic celebs around the web.

The Gospel according to Don Cherry (raincoaster)

Andre Leon Talley vs Cthulhu in the fashion wars (Ayyyy)

Fashion Fascist vs Art Ninja: who will survive? (Lolebrity)

Cinco de Mayo: Let there be Carnitas! (Manolofood)

Suri Cruise beats out that tatty Kate Middleton for Best Dressed (AgentBedhead)

America’s Royal Wedding is on: are you on the list? (BusyBeeBlogger)

Marie Osmond’s post-Easter miracle: resurrecting her first marriage (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The rear view looks like the moons of Jupiter, in hammer pants (CelebritySmack)

The Parachute Club aren’t dead: they’ve just become this woman’s stylists (CelebVIPLounge)

Don’t mess with the Donald! (CityRag)

Jesse James secures his place in the hearts of American women (DailyStab)

Congratulations, Mariah. It’s a noun and an adjective! (EarSucker)

RIP Perry White (FitFabCeleb)

An Unforgettable Writer’s Farewell (Gawker)

Busted! These celebs are total mugs (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Hey, Abbottabad! Jon Stewart is on first, second, third and home base (HaveUHeard)

Zsa Zsa is back! in the hospital (HollywoodHiccups)

Will they be changing the name to “The Real Divorcees of Beverly Hills?” (INeedMyFix)

The Cokorexia Twins leave Global HQ (MathewGuiver)

Britney makes a blogger cry!! (PoorBritney)

Colin Firth wspieolsiigeou what was I saying? (SwoonWorthy)